This is what real life feels like

In the last couple of weeks, moving into May combined with a lot of UK election -related hoo-ha has brought it home to me that my stable life here in Conce is coming to an end. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but it was quite a shocking realisation for me that June came after May. Why is that important? As of the end of June, I will be unemployed. This in itself isn’t really a big deal, after all there’s always more work to be done and new things to get involved with, the scary part is making decisions; deciding where I want to be and what my priorities are. It’s simultaneously liberating and suffocating to know that one way or another, what has come to be my normality won’t last beyond July.

I’ve slowly begun to realise that the slight sense of panic I’ve been feeling at this prospect, is actually a pretty strong testament to just how happy I am here and how comfortable I feel in Concepción. Recognising this has prompted a string of further realisations, that I no longer feel like a foreigner living here and that those who know me no longer treat me as such. Of course, there is still that annoying standard first conversation when I meet someone new which generally follows the same pattern of “where are you from?”, “how long have you been here?”, “are you on exchange?”, and “why the hell did you come to Chile?” – People are staggeringly unoriginal when it comes to making small talk with foreigners! – But fortunately I now have a wind enough circle of friends and strong enough friendships that most people in the group are past caring about that conversation and we quickly move on to more interesting matters.

A realisation that I had a while back whilst musing on the trials and tribulations of moving somewhere new was that you have to learn to blend in before you can stand out, and I’ve begun to realise that I’ve actually got pretty close to being fine with standing out here in Conce. The implications of this logic being that I’ve pretty much learnt to blend in. Aside from being socially and culturally comfortable where I am, perhaps what’s more important is that I feel like I have so much to learn from the people around me! I’ve managed to find a community of people who share my values and interests, who inspire and motivate me to be the best me that I can be whilst being mindful of others and the planet we live on. I feel physically and mentally healthy, and although I’m not a student in any formal context, I can always count on some stimulating conversation from my housemates which inevitably make me want to read more on whatever topic it is we’re discussing.

Today I realised, that it’s completely natural for me to feel this way about the impending uncertainty – when we’re in a good state, of course we want it to stay that way! However we can never know what changes are lying in wait just around the corner, or what plans other people have which could impact your decisions; as they say, all good things must come to an end, and indeed one of the principal tenets of Buddhist philosophy is that of impermanence, and accepting this means accepting that no matter how much we believe to have control over our lives, there are far too many external factors involved for us to assume that things will stay the same in any given situation. During the next couple of months, rather than worrying about what’s going to happen next, I’ll endeavour to embrace this concept and the freedom of uncertainty to turn it into an opportunity. If I go, there’s nothing to stop me from coming back, and if there is, then I’ll have found something to stay for.

In the meantime, I’ll carry on as I am. No more, no less. Making the most of my time here doesn’t mean trying to fit more in, it means making decisions based on what will make me happy at the time. It means cultivating what’s important to me now, not what might matter in 6 months… In reality I think they’re probably the same thing, but my ideas about what future me might want would probably skew my decision making skills right now.

In conclusion, I’ve come to feel a sense of belonging here in Concepción. I think I could almost say that it feels as much like home as Sheffield does, it certainly would do with 6 more months in the area! What’s more I feel like it’s good for me! But then again, perhaps Marco is right – I’m a chameleon. Adaptability is the name of the game.

Stop worrying. Go with the flow. Carry on playing.