It's my last week at school. Tuesday, last danse libre session. Wednesday, last african dance lesson with the girls. Thursday, last meditation.
My last weekend in Saint Etienne and a leaving party.
Then mum will arrive and it'll be the last supper twice over; first with Dominique and family, then with the coloc.
This time around, it feels like the end has been a long time coming. Since Pierre left really... Camilo and Ben have been off doing various things, Helder's been tied up in revision, Geraldine is preparing her trip for summer, Laura and the rest of the Erasmus group will be off soon and there's only a month and a half to go before the keys are returned and 6 Rue Saint Catherine returns to its former state as a slightly old and dirty, albeit spacious, ribbon-makers flat. Everything is coming to a close.
At least that feeling of "the end" makes it easier to leave... Just like when I left Hastings to leave for Sheffield, even if I stayed there wouldn't have been much there. All good things come to an end and all that is left is to move onto to new and exciting adventures, using those golden memories to spur you on when times get tricky. Keep hold of all those email addresses and phone numbers for that moment of sentimentality after 2 months when routine starts to set in and all you want is a good chat and a moment of reflection.
At least this time, I know what's waiting for me at the other end, at least more or less. For the first time, I will be going back to somewhere and I won't have to start from scratch; quite the consolation.
5 months it seems is a perfect amount of time to meet people, become attached and share some life changing moments (provided you get stuck in early on). I feel like I've got the most I could out of my year abroad situations both in terms of language, professional and personal development and wouldn't change my experiences for the world. Goodbyes can never be anything but heartbreaking... But the world seems so much smaller after having travelled so much. I remain convinced that I will manage to see all those I've come to love over the last year again in the future, even if I don't yet know when or where....
Maybe I'm a romantic after all...
Everything in Saint Etienne maybe winding down, but this year won't be forgotten and I'm in no doubt that I'll be going back a very different person to the one I left. I'm going back to people and places I know but nothing ever stays the same... Situations change. I'm going back to become first a researcher, then a holiday-maker, and following that.... an adventurer. All before starting back at uni. Perhaps "Year Abroad" isn't quite over yet.
There's so much to look forward to that I don't know whether I'm coming or going... So much to organise before arriving: research plans, travel plans, uni work, and oh better find somewhere to live! No doubts that the couchsurfing community - my not-so-new-found safety net(work) - will provide. Reaching the end of 10 months of hard work integration, making-the-most-of and exploring I'm unsurprisingly exhausted and ready to stop for a little while, one might even tentatively say "settle". But then that's not really true... Sheffield will become my base once again, but with 2 months of travels booked in before October I can hardly say I'll be stopping.
This brings me back to that slippery notion of home.... What is home? For the student who returns to the same family home every summer, there is a clear defined location which represents security - A safe base. Can the same be said for the wanderer who throws all their best efforts into creating a "home" space wherever they might happen to end up before upping and moving on to the next "base"? I don't think so. Of course the family home still represents security... But when there are several family homes?
Is it the home or the family that is important? The answer is pretty clear to me.
"Home is where the heart is" Dixit Pliny the Elder, ancient Roman philosopher. He couldn't be more right. There is no reason for the concept of "home" to be tied down physically when the heart is not.
Creating "home" means coming to love the people with whom you surround yourself... Leaving those people means leaving a small piece of yourself behind....
Love often enough and the whole world starts to feel like home.
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